Schrodinger's Kittie

So, I’ve been struggling with my weight the last few years. People would pipe up with the fact that I’m getting older, and women just gain weight when they get older. Uh huh. Well, I wasn’t buying that excuse. Take a look at yesterday’s post and my mom. ‘Nuff said.

Anyway, so a while back I started using My Food Diary to track my eating thinking maybe I was eating too much fat or carbs or whatever. And, imagine my shock when I was being griped at not for eating too much sodium or fat or carbs…No, of course not. This is Kittie we are talking about here…when is anything ‘normal’ where I’m concerned? No, instead, it was yelling at me for not breaking 900 calories in a day. you read that correctly. I am a 5’7″ (170.18 cm). At the time that I started using My Food Diary, I was closing in on 165 pounds. This was not making me happy. I couldn’t lose weight no matter what I tried.

I was looking at how few calories I was taking in and how much exercise I was doing and it just made no sense to me. And, then I talked to my friend Kate who has been struggling with her own eating disorder for a while now – and, she is one great source of inspiration. I showed her what my diary was saying and she pointed out that my metabolism had just given up the ghost. My body was in starvation mode and was holding on to every calorie it possibly could.

So – I started paying attention to what I was eating, how often I ate – and making sure I got 1200 calories a day. I entered every activity I did, every food I ate…This last week, I have managed to lose 3 pounds and one inch from my hips. I am down to 143 pounds and am making progress toward my goal of 130 pounds.

It is difficult. People make the comment that they wish they had my problem. Really, you don’t. I have to eat more than I am comfortable with in order to LOSE weight. If I exercise, like I did last night doing my yoga, I have to enter the exercise and make sure it doesn’t drop me too low on my calorie table. I had to make and eat a sandwich late last night to make up for the 400 calories I had just burned off.

So why work out? Because I want to be in shape, not just lose weight. And, to be in shape, I have to exercise. Thus, I have to eat even more.

The question burning in my mind, though…the one that echos in times of my greatest frustration is – Am I alone in this? Surely there are others out there who have the same trouble I do.

If you read this, I’d really appreciate if you’d share the link to this post with others and encourage them to pass it on – and comment. I’d really like to know if I am alone in this…or, if there are others out there.

I grew up with an unusual paradigm, it seems.  I have parents that just are not the norm for the world at large.  One, they have been married 46 years and are still very deeply in love – and it’s pretty obvious to all and sundry.  I adore my parents.

One thing they have instilled in me, though, outside of a strong sense of morals and ethics – and a view of relationships that just doesn’t seem to have much place in today’s world – is an enjoyment of travel and good (make that excellent) food. 

By travel, I mean – we really don’t think much of driving 1.5 hours, 3 hours or even 10 hours to get somewhere if we have an interest enough in going there.  And, there are times when that interest is certainly peaked.  Point in case.  There is a place in Franklin, NC called Frog and Owl.  My folks will make a trip up there mainly because they want to nosh on the excellent food.  Oh, sure, they’ll do other stuff while they are up there; but, the driving force behind the trip is often simply a desire to visit this bistro.

I can honestly say that I have not been – considering I reside on the west coast, such a trip is beyond even my wandering nature (at least until I’m no longer employed and can traipse cross country for no reason other than to have dinner).  However, one of these days, when I visit my family – I am going to have to make an effort to get up there and give them a try. 

Until then, on the recommendation of my foodie parents…if you are ever anywhere remotely near Franklin, NC stop in and visit the Frog and Owl.  I have it on good authority that you will not be disappointed.

Their site is still under construction, so be gentle with them where that’s concerned.

Am I supposed to get my full calories? Seriously, I hear people talk about how difficult it is to eat so few calories…yet, I get nagged all the time for eating too few. And, I eat constantly. Don’t believe me? Check this out. This is everything I ate today (or will eat, since I haven’t gotten home to make my dinner, yet). I am still in the process of working through “snack #2″. Click on the table to see it full size.

Now, seriously, that’s quite a bit of food.  Though dinner isn’t exactly extravegant, it’s about what I’d eat.  I might have gone for a few more beans/picante – but, the sodium in those items is ridiculous.  What I may wind up doing is grabbing a chicken breast and tossing it in the rotiserrie (sans seasoning) to get my calories up and not slaughter myself on sodium intake.  I kid you not, peeps…eating healthy, avoiding excess sodium, cholesterol and saturated fats – makes finding enough calories in what I eat difficult!  Not because I eat empty calorie foods – but, because what I do eat fills me up, is low in calories and good for you to boot.

I just feel like I’m constantly stuffing my face – and, yet, look at that.  I’m 225 calories shy of my goal.  I want to lose weight, but still eat enough calories to keep my metabolism alive and kicking. All the while making sure to keep it between the navigational beacons on sodium, cholesterol and saturated fats.  It’s a really hard balancing act.

Thank the good Lord for Kate – my OA sponsor. Honestly don’t know what I’d do without her cheering me on.  BTW, no I’m not in OA and no Kate’s not a real sponsor.  It just feels like it sometimes given how she coaches and encourages me to eat more and to eat healthy.  Cheering me on when I do well, and slapping my hand when I do poorly.