A little over two years ago, I had a week that nearly drove me to my knees.  I lost a dear, dear, dear friend of mine to the arms of Death while we were in a argument.  My marriage was annulled. The house I was going to close on had to be let go to the way side.  And I lost my job.  I had no place to live because I’d given notice to my landlord and she was taking the house for herself.  On the tail of all that – I got struck with Bell’s Palsy.

I’m not quite sure how many people laugh when they get struck with Bell’s Palsy. I remember driving myself to the emergency room – to the tune of my best friend telling me I was insane and should wait for her to get there to take me – and, all the way there saying that if it wasn’t a stroke, I could deal with anything else.  I’d seen what a stroke had done to my great-grandfather and to my cousin Bill.  I wanted none of it.

My mantra all the way there was “if it’s not a stroke, it’s a blessing”.  So, when the doc told me that it was Bell’s Palsy and it may or may not clear up, I laughed in relief.  I had worked with someone who had Bell’s Palsy that never cleared up and I knew what the prognosis was.  It wasn’t that I was just ignorant – it was that I really didn’t care if I was partially paralyzed for life.  As I told Debbie, “It’s the perfect character reference.”

For months following that, every time I’d forget about my palsy and would dump food or drink down my chest, I’d laugh.  I truly found it amusing.  Maybe I’m a little loose in the screws in my attic.  Who knows?  But, the palsy hit, just like everything else, at the perfect time.  My parents were in Austin passing through on a trip through Texas for their anniversary.  They were here for me when my life was falling apart for the second time.  They and Debbie kept me sane and helped me get my stuff shoved into a storage unit – weeding out about half of what I owned in the process.  Then, mom and dad bundled me up and hauled me back home to Alabama.

I stayed in Alabama with my parents for a couple of months, recuperating from the palsy.  I mostly recovered and the little bit of residual effect is not something anyone would notice except me.  Some numbness in the face and an occasional pull on that side of my face when I get too stressed.

I looked around for tech jobs in the area, hoping to find something that would keep me close to home.  I was tired, fed up with relationships, and just wanted to curl up in the lap of my family (ie.  Grady).  Yeah – not really a whole lot of tech jobs around that area.  Finally, I was down to my last few dollars and knew I had to either get a low paying job in the area or try elsewhere.  So, I took a stab in the dark and asked Q in California to take me on.  Serendipitously, my old boss (from Dell and QLogic) was out in California with Q at the time and she told them they’d be nuts to not bring me on.  So, refusing to pay relocation, they offered me a job.  I put what I could in my car and headed to California…muttering all the way.  I hate that state with a passion…even more now that I’ve lived there.

I arrived in California to the best room mate I’ve ever had.  I had hooked up with him on a site called roommates.com and wasn’t at all sure what I was going to find.  It turns out I found one of the most sweethearted, kindest, most gentle souls on the planet. You couldn’t ask for a better room mate.  I poked around and found some places to dance and met up with The Honky Tonk Kings in San Juan Capistrano.  Their bass player at the time (Grant) saved me from having to get really mean with a little guy who just could not understand the word “No”.  The HTKs told me they were playing the following week down south a ways and said I should go catch their show.  So – I hauled myself the hour and a half one way and did.  Little did I know that that would bring me to a place where I would meet my future husband.

A few months later, Mike shows up at The Renegade in El Cajon, California. He was working on a wooden boat for his friend and so was up from Mexico where he had been happily ensconced for the last year.  All I knew was there was this guy blocking my way and dancing a bit by himself with his beer bottle – oh, and he had on a white shirt, wranglers and a black hat.  He was facing away from me and I walked up and told him, “You know, that works better with a partner.”  The next thing I knew, we were on the dance floor – and, we didn’t miss a step.  For those who don’t dance partners dancing, when you hook up with a new dance partner, there’s always a moment or two of adjustment and inevitably someone bumps/stomps on someone else’s foot.  Didn’t happen.  I recall Mike’s eyes lighting up like the Fourth of July as he leaned forward and told me I was a Ferrari.  It made me laugh.  Our fates were sealed – though neither of us were aware of it at the time.  Not one iota of interest was to be had by either of us in forming a relationship – until the relationship beat us over the heads. Life is good like that – keeps you on your toes.

Seven months later, Mike asked me to marry him.  Six months later, we were married.  Nine months after that, we were leaving California.  Well, I was, anyway.  Mike had gone to Guatemala to do some volunteer work.  While he was gone, I had gotten a call from a company in Georgia called Technisource.  They were staffing for a company called TSYS.  While the pay would have been significantly less, the benefits of being closer ot my family and able to be there for them – and vice versa – made it a very attractive offer.  They also offered relocation – which meant I could finally get my stuff from Austin.  Yes, my stuff had been sitting in Austin storage for two years.  After some interesting back and forth, a relocation amount was settled on and the notices were given.

The day to leave California arrived.  I checked my bank account – no money for relocation.  I called.  Oh, yeah…”The money will be in your account sometime in the next 48 hours.”  This made me a very unhappy camper.  Had my father not flown out to help me move, I’d have been without a home and without a truck…me and my stuff on the side of the road.  What an attractive idea.  However, my father was there, once again coming to the rescue.  The truck was acquired along with the car hauler (both the truck and the car hauler had been upgraded at  no cost to us because they were out of what I’d reserved).  Off we went, heading cross country to Georgia.

When we hit Phoenix, we had dinner with my Great Uncle Ernest and his wife, Lynda.  We went to this place called the Rustler’s Rooste.  Great food – the band, however, was sub-par at best. When Uncle Ernie walked up, there was no doubting he was my Pa’s little brother.  He looked so much like Pa that it startled me for a moment.

He has the Freeman sense of humor and was an absolute hoot to visit with.  I wish we could have stayed longer; but, we had a deadline to meet to get to Columbus, GA.  I was to start my job on the 7th of July.  That didn’t give much time to get there and get settled.

I’m so happy they made the drive to see us and that we were able to visit.  I love my family, even if I don’t see them regularly.  They are very important to me.  And, this was just a wonderful blessing.  Little did I know that my blessings would continue.

The trip was uneventful and comfortable.  The truck we’d rented was a joy to drive – even being a 26′ behemoth. About the second construction zone I was feeling pretty confident about where I was on the road.  By the fourth, I had it down cold. The company was great (my dad) and the weather wasn’t bad.  We still hadn’t gotten the money for the relocation so dad continued to rack up the fees.  I continued to be a tad bothered at how haphazard things were given the fact that it was my life people were messing with.  But, the money would get there eventually and all would be good – afterall, my dad was playing superhero again.  Yes, I’m a daddy’s girl – and, for good reason.

We rolled into Austin on the 31st.  I pulled the truck up outside of Debbie’s and we piled out (minus some of my fish that got par boiled along the way – a story for another time) and visited for a while.  I called up a friend of mine who had said he wanted to get dinner while I was in town and we made plans to meet up at the Outback off of Research Blvd. the following night.  We settled in, cooled off, and face planted into bed.

The following morning, I dug out my laptop and checked my email.  Needing to see how my honey was doing and let him know how the trip was going, I was anxious to get online.  The day was intended to be a fairly lazy day.  Dad was going to go up and visit his friend, Norman, and Debbie and I were just going to hang out and have a ‘girls’ day’.  The following day, we intended to load the truck up in the morning and continue to head on our merry way to Columbus, GA.

It’s a good thing that intentions are not something that are immutable. Life, I have found, loves to throw curveballs.  Plan and get your ducks in a row – and always, always, be ready to throw it all out the window when Life comes knocking.  Gotta know how to roll with it – ride the waves…Life’s good at keeping you on your toes and very aware that you are not the one in charge.

So – back to checking my email.  There was a message from Mike waiting for me.  It made my day to be able to talk to him for a while.  Then, going through my ridiculous amount of trash email, I notice a name from my past.  Stephanie had contacted me.  I figured it’d be a “hey! I heard you were passing through Austin.  Hope all goes well with the new job” kind of thing.  I was seriously mistaken.

Yes, she had heard I had left Q.  She had heard that I was moving to Georgia.  She did wish me well if I chose to continue to work for that company.  However, she had positions open here in Austin – and, wouldn’t I rather live here?  I stared at the screen for a couple of moments.  Let out a stunned breath and then whooped loud enough that five, little dogs jumped and Dad and Debbie asked what in the world was going on.  I couldn’t respond fast enough.  I told Stephanie I was in town for the day and she had 24 hours to give me the details. After some back and forth it was determined that if I stayed here I’d make significantly more than in Georgia.  The position would be one I’d just be stupid not to take.  The only catch – I had to go through the formalities before I’d get my official offer letter.  So – I could continue on to the ‘guarantee’ in Columbus – or, I could take a leap of faith, put my trust in someone who I’ve worked with and built a solid working relationship, and stay in Austin for the job here.

Well, maybe I’m a little insane.  Maybe my ability to trust hasn’t been as damaged by my past as I thought.  I took the leap of faith.  I was no longer heading to Columbus. Instead, I had come home.  Instead of loading the truck the next day, we planned to unload it into the storage unit.  Debbie graciously extended the offer of a place to stay with her while I looked for a home, and the wheels started rolling in a completely unexpected and different direction.  I’ve never seen someone look so pole axed as when I told Frank that night at dinner.

It made me giggle.  We had so much fun hanging out and talking.  Dad regaled us with stories as he is wont to do.  Debbie was a great sport about her plans and schedule being totally trashed.  And, it was just a great time all around.  It felt like a huge celebration – even with only the four of us there.

Dad had gone on up to see his friend; but, Debbie and I had spent the day looking at houses to rent/buy and discussing how we would handle things until I got my first paycheck/was able to move out.  How many people can say they have a friend that will upend their lives for them on the spur of the moment like that?  And, on a leap of faith?  I am truly beyond blessed in my life.

Life never quite goes like we intend it to go.  Plans never quite follow through exactly as expected.  It’s a great dance, this thing we call life.  And, so long as you learn how to be a good dance partner – and, realize that Life is always the one in the lead – you’ll never have more fun than when you let go, let loose and learn to follow.

Life is the dance
Love is the song
Laughter is the melody

I hope you dance.

Seeing this makes me feel a little more able to sleep at night…

Then, I get back to work in time for a meeting that was no joy. Our groups is now down three people. Two from layoffs and one from a voluntary resignation. The old fear that keeps coming back up…that I’m going to be hit with a layoff yet again.

And with W unable to work…the fear is even higher. I am so stressed it’s surreal. With the economy the way it is, who knows what tomorrow will bring…and I don’t do well with instability in my financial life. Ok, ok – with any aspect of my life.

Anyway – this project is hexxing me.  Well, it’s actually the dominoe effect of the earlier project running over.  The previous project ran over by three weeks, which puts me three weeks into this current project’s schedule…so I start this project three weeks behind.  Lovely, eh?

So far – knock wood – it’s going well.  Except that I can’t find anything that helps me verify that the driver that is loading is the correct version of the driver.  I mean, if I test this whole thing, only to find I’m testing on the wrong version of the driver…well…it won’t be pretty.

I made a decision recently that has hurt someone I care about a lot.  I love them quite a bit, actually.  I’ve never met them in person – but, when we were able to talk and spend time with each other, it was good.  It made me happy and I looked forward to it.  Then things started happening and they would disappear for weeks, sometimes more than a month, and then pop back up.  It became real hit or miss on if I’d get to talk to them at all.  I had offered to bring them out for a visit (before I had something come up to drain all my reserves) and I really wanted it.  I wanted to meet them and see if we’d get along as well in person as we did electronically.  If they were as real and wonderful in person – so many can fake themselves so well online, you know?  But, life kept happening and kept happening…and eventually it was to the point of – keep waiting indefinitely while life keeps happening…or let go. 

It was a hard decision to make and one that, well, hurt.  It hurt me to let go – and, I know beyond any need to guess that I hurt him in doing so.  I find myself wondering from time to time if it was one of those “almost good” decisions my dad has said I make.  I miss talking to him.  I miss the times we talked late into the night (early into the morning).  I miss laughing and playing games with him.  But, we hadn’t done much of that for quite some time prior to this decision.  Life, that pesky thing, kept cropping up and interfering.  Not going to get into it all here. Just a whole lot of things continuing to happen that were weighed in with my choices. 

And, hard as they were to make, and as sad as I am about it – I hope it was the right choice.  Because if it wasn’t – I hurt a man I care about very deeply for no reason.  And the thought that that might even remotely be the case has me in tears.  Why can’t things in life just be crystal clear and easy?  Why are the important decisions generally so muddled and convoluted?  Even if the core of it is clear, there are often so many things around it that ebb and flow that connect and twist all around it…*sighs* 

Anyway – enough of my maudlin self.  It doesn’t matter.  No matter what tomorrow brings, my decision was already relayed and – a treasured person is no longer a part of my life.  I can’t blame him.  I wouldn’t like me very much if I were him, either.

Currently, I am a DVT Engineer for a company that manufactures storage area network (SAN) hardware in the form of chips, host bus adapters, switches, storage services platforms and routers for iSCSI and fibre channel.

What this means is…

After development thinks they have a viable product, we get prototypes sent to us for testing. We make sure it:

a) works
b) performs within specifications
c) is reliable
d) is compatible with various vendors (including our competitors)
e) meets all compliance criteria
f) meets OEM requirements
g) meets standards

DVT stands for design verification testing.

We do this every time a driver, firmware or bios is updated, or a new product is released. And, you know those wonderful drivers that come in your Windows, Red Hat, SuSe, MAC, etc operating systems? Guess who gets to test to make certain that the ones my company makes work? Yeah – my team. So, yes, we have to be conversent in most operating systems – some the “normal” user would never interface with like Xen Source, VM Ware, Solaris and AIX.

Right now, I’m working on a beta operating system that is to be released soon. Verifying that the drivers work, that the boards do what they are supposed to do, that nothing hangs up or crashes the system. What I am not doing is testing their complete operating system – that’s for them to do.

What I am doing is testing our driver and hardware with their operating system installed to make sure the stuff we are responsible for works. Now, if I run across bugs in their operating system while I do this, then I will submit a trouble to them for them to fix…but that’s not part of my job if it doesn’t conflict with our product and is solely an operating system issue. But, I use those products myself, when they hit the market – I kinda like them working. *grins*

Also, the two worlds overlap in a lot of places, so many times I can’t verify that my stuff is working until their stuff gets straightened out. And sometimes, it’s a combination of the two and how they are talking (or not) to each other that is the issue.

I live in a world of bits and bytes…

A world you come into every day if you use things like Flickr, Blogger, GMail, Google, Yahoo or play any online games (World of Warcraft anyone?)…everything that requires massive amounts of storage.

Your company (if it is of a fairly good size) probably even has a SAN setup somewhere to store all the backups of data, email, etc. And in that SAN, I can just about guarantee you will see the name of my company somewhere.

I have a new job with QLogic as a DVT Engineer. It’s going to be challenging and I just hope I can do the job to meet my expectation – and theirs. They are taking a chance on me and I seriously appreciate it.

As for news in my current (soon to be old) job…they decide to give all the Converged group their walking papers….and then expect us to train their lackies that they send down from Denver in a week’s time frame. *eyeroll* Yeah…This network is complicated, people. What part of that aren’t they understanding? It’s not just “MPLS”. It’s not just “VPLS”. It’s not just “frame”. It’s not just “IP”. It’s not just “ATM”. It’s not just “POS”. It’s all of it and more…in one big, Gordian nightmare. The device is flaky on a good day, the “solutions” we have in place are cludgy and horrific to follow…and you know what? I don’t give a flying fig about if they are trained or not. It was their infinite wisdom that had them lay off the whole team – they can suck it up and learn it the hard way, in my opinion. I’m certainly not going to go out of my way to impart the knowledge in my head when they obviously felt it wasn’t necessary to the wellbeing of the company to keep it.

And, if they don’t like it – well, I really don’t have to be here the next week.

Sour grapes, much? Hell yeah.

But, I’m bouncing off the walls excited about QLogic….nervous as all get out – but excited too. It’s just such a grand opportunity and I don’t wanna mess it up.

Need to make up my mind to sign it or not.

Can’t say I’m too horribly surprised. Level3 never was the brightest about who they choose to retain and who they choose to let go.

Given the people who got their walking papers today…yeah…they are living up (or is it down) to expectation.

Some things never change.

I have to say that Broadwing management has been the best at handling these things out of all the ones I’ve heard/experienced.

Yeah, day of joy and excitation.

It’s also the day I nag WEBS and find out where my yarn is.

Sorry, not really feeling social or chatty, right now. I tend to turn into a major hermit when my life is in the balance.

Anyway, life here has been rather disheartening. Work is a definite state of limbo.

“How’s that?”, you ask. Well, amazing what buyouts can do to the company being purchased. And, of course, none of us know how much longer we will be employed. And, if we are allowed to keep our jobs, it is 90% likely that we will have to relocate to Denver.

Now, I have nothing against Denver. I enjoyed the time I spent there. However, I don’t live there any longer. I have a lot of friends here, not to mention a most wonderful man that is a wee bit too large to fit into my luggage…not to mention the interesting idea of accomplishing the monumental feat of managing to manhandle his 275 pounds of deadweight. Yeah.

Then, there is my son to consider. He lives in Houston. Admittedly, I could fly him up every summer. But, I kinda like having him that “close”.

So, I’ve been putting my CV out and hoping for a nibble. I got one last night from Ntelicore. Now, I really like the job that I’d be doing – goodness knows I’m certainly qualified for it. And, the pay is certainly something to be happy about. However, it’s a 5-6 month contract (with possibility of extension). I’m not huge on contracts, but you know what? “Permanent jobs” aren’t so permanent anymore. The pay on the job would be great, it’s with the state, etc. Ntelicore is based out of Dallas, so far as I can find and I really don’t want to take jobs in Dallas. However, if they do a lot of contracting with the state, I’m sure quite a few of the jobs would be here in Austin. I was looking into getting HUB certified anyway so I could do exactly this, so – I responded that I would be highly interested in the position and filled out the forms. We’ll see where that goes, eh?

As for knitting….

I’m working on the random log cabin as the mood strikes, so I figure it will be finished around my 80th birthday. I am working on the Vogue Knitting braided scarf – in silky wool. I am loving how it is turning out.

And for my main project.

The one consuming all of my time.

I am working on an Icarus Shawl in Alpaca with a Twist Fino (black) for Gloria.

It’s so odd. I mean, it’s a laceweight yarn; but, it feels so solid. I keep fiddling with it thinking, “Gee, this is aweful thick.” And my friends laugh at me, because it really isn’t. As one friend said, “You are just used to it being like a cloud and this just has more substance.”

She’s right.

Gloria really isn’t a “shawl person”, but I’m hoping she likes the shawl, anyway. I’d make her something else, but not knowing her dimensions makes it a wee bit problematic.

After Gloria’s shawl, I’m making his father an aran lap blanket out of lightweight yarn. I hope he likes it.

On that note, I’m off to do what it is my company is paying me to do…which, oddly enough, is not blogging.

Toodles!

The surprise project I’m working on is moving along nicely. The WRS shawl has stalled out. The last thing you want to do when you are hacking up a lung is work on something that fine. You want something mindless (or fairly mindless) and gossamer silk work is anything but mindless.

I’ve been very ill the last couple of weeks, but seem to be overcoming it – for which I’m extremely greatful.

I’ve also resumed my affair with DAoC. I had disappeared from the game for quite some time, but I’m back now – for a little while anyway. I got a private message in game, last night…someone asking if I were the “real Dremmavae“. I nearly responded with, “Well, as real as any of us get in a fantasy world like this.” Instead I just laughed and said yes. I feel particularly frustrated because they then proceded to ramble at me for some time and shower me with great and grand praise (admittedly, my shaman used to have quite the name on the server)…it wasn’t the showering of praise that made me frustrated….it was the fact that I could not, for the life of me, place who the heck the person was who was talking to me. **shakes head** Oh well.

My guy has been super busy, lately, doing data center moves and such. He’s also about to take over a project that’s going to “kick [his] ass” to use his terms. I know it sounds selfish, but it has me wondering how much of the already rare time I get with him will be lost. I know he will still try to make time for me, and I’m just being selfish, right now…I’m sure I’ll get over it – and once he’s settled into the new project things will most likely right themselves. I hope.

On a positive note, I got a promotion at work. Not exactly sure WHAT kind of promotion, since I never got any form of official communication or anything. Have to just love a company that takes over a year to approve a promotion – and then never tells you about it….and I have no idea when the pay increase will show up in my paycheck – or if I even got a pay increase. How do you like them apples? **laughs** Ah, well…cest la vie.

For a bit of amusing oddity: