Schrodinger's Kittie

I’ve had a few people tell me, over the years, that my life would make a fascinating show.  I suppose it would, in its odd way.

A little over two years ago, I had a week that nearly drove me to my knees.  I lost a dear, dear, dear friend of mine to the arms of Death while we were in a argument.  My marriage was annulled. The house I was going to close on had to be let go to the way side.  And I lost my job.  I had no place to live because I’d given notice to my landlord and she was taking the house for herself.  On the tail of all that – I got struck with Bell’s Palsy.

I’m not quite sure how many people laugh when they get struck with Bell’s Palsy. I remember driving myself to the emergency room – to the tune of my best friend telling me I was insane and should wait for her to get there to take me – and, all the way there saying that if it wasn’t a stroke, I could deal with anything else.  I’d seen what a stroke had done to my great-grandfather and to my cousin Bill.  I wanted none of it.

My mantra all the way there was “if it’s not a stroke, it’s a blessing”.  So, when the doc told me that it was Bell’s Palsy and it may or may not clear up, I laughed in relief.  I had worked with someone who had Bell’s Palsy that never cleared up and I knew what the prognosis was.  It wasn’t that I was just ignorant – it was that I really didn’t care if I was partially paralyzed for life.  As I told Debbie, “It’s the perfect character reference.”

For months following that, every time I’d forget about my palsy and would dump food or drink down my chest, I’d laugh.  I truly found it amusing.  Maybe I’m a little loose in the screws in my attic.  Who knows?  But, the palsy hit, just like everything else, at the perfect time.  My parents were in Austin passing through on a trip through Texas for their anniversary.  They were here for me when my life was falling apart for the second time.  They and Debbie kept me sane and helped me get my stuff shoved into a storage unit – weeding out about half of what I owned in the process.  Then, mom and dad bundled me up and hauled me back home to Alabama.

I stayed in Alabama with my parents for a couple of months, recuperating from the palsy.  I mostly recovered and the little bit of residual effect is not something anyone would notice except me.  Some numbness in the face and an occasional pull on that side of my face when I get too stressed.

I looked around for tech jobs in the area, hoping to find something that would keep me close to home.  I was tired, fed up with relationships, and just wanted to curl up in the lap of my family (ie.  Grady).  Yeah – not really a whole lot of tech jobs around that area.  Finally, I was down to my last few dollars and knew I had to either get a low paying job in the area or try elsewhere.  So, I took a stab in the dark and asked Q in California to take me on.  Serendipitously, my old boss (from Dell and QLogic) was out in California with Q at the time and she told them they’d be nuts to not bring me on.  So, refusing to pay relocation, they offered me a job.  I put what I could in my car and headed to California…muttering all the way.  I hate that state with a passion…even more now that I’ve lived there.

I arrived in California to the best room mate I’ve ever had.  I had hooked up with him on a site called roommates.com and wasn’t at all sure what I was going to find.  It turns out I found one of the most sweethearted, kindest, most gentle souls on the planet. You couldn’t ask for a better room mate.  I poked around and found some places to dance and met up with The Honky Tonk Kings in San Juan Capistrano.  Their bass player at the time (Grant) saved me from having to get really mean with a little guy who just could not understand the word “No”.  The HTKs told me they were playing the following week down south a ways and said I should go catch their show.  So – I hauled myself the hour and a half one way and did.  Little did I know that that would bring me to a place where I would meet my future husband.

A few months later, Mike shows up at The Renegade in El Cajon, California. He was working on a wooden boat for his friend and so was up from Mexico where he had been happily ensconced for the last year.  All I knew was there was this guy blocking my way and dancing a bit by himself with his beer bottle – oh, and he had on a white shirt, wranglers and a black hat.  He was facing away from me and I walked up and told him, “You know, that works better with a partner.”  The next thing I knew, we were on the dance floor – and, we didn’t miss a step.  For those who don’t dance partners dancing, when you hook up with a new dance partner, there’s always a moment or two of adjustment and inevitably someone bumps/stomps on someone else’s foot.  Didn’t happen.  I recall Mike’s eyes lighting up like the Fourth of July as he leaned forward and told me I was a Ferrari.  It made me laugh.  Our fates were sealed – though neither of us were aware of it at the time.  Not one iota of interest was to be had by either of us in forming a relationship – until the relationship beat us over the heads. Life is good like that – keeps you on your toes.

Seven months later, Mike asked me to marry him.  Six months later, we were married.  Nine months after that, we were leaving California.  Well, I was, anyway.  Mike had gone to Guatemala to do some volunteer work.  While he was gone, I had gotten a call from a company in Georgia called Technisource.  They were staffing for a company called TSYS.  While the pay would have been significantly less, the benefits of being closer ot my family and able to be there for them – and vice versa – made it a very attractive offer.  They also offered relocation – which meant I could finally get my stuff from Austin.  Yes, my stuff had been sitting in Austin storage for two years.  After some interesting back and forth, a relocation amount was settled on and the notices were given.

The day to leave California arrived.  I checked my bank account – no money for relocation.  I called.  Oh, yeah…”The money will be in your account sometime in the next 48 hours.”  This made me a very unhappy camper.  Had my father not flown out to help me move, I’d have been without a home and without a truck…me and my stuff on the side of the road.  What an attractive idea.  However, my father was there, once again coming to the rescue.  The truck was acquired along with the car hauler (both the truck and the car hauler had been upgraded at  no cost to us because they were out of what I’d reserved).  Off we went, heading cross country to Georgia.

When we hit Phoenix, we had dinner with my Great Uncle Ernest and his wife, Lynda.  We went to this place called the Rustler’s Rooste.  Great food – the band, however, was sub-par at best. When Uncle Ernie walked up, there was no doubting he was my Pa’s little brother.  He looked so much like Pa that it startled me for a moment.

He has the Freeman sense of humor and was an absolute hoot to visit with.  I wish we could have stayed longer; but, we had a deadline to meet to get to Columbus, GA.  I was to start my job on the 7th of July.  That didn’t give much time to get there and get settled.

I’m so happy they made the drive to see us and that we were able to visit.  I love my family, even if I don’t see them regularly.  They are very important to me.  And, this was just a wonderful blessing.  Little did I know that my blessings would continue.

The trip was uneventful and comfortable.  The truck we’d rented was a joy to drive – even being a 26′ behemoth. About the second construction zone I was feeling pretty confident about where I was on the road.  By the fourth, I had it down cold. The company was great (my dad) and the weather wasn’t bad.  We still hadn’t gotten the money for the relocation so dad continued to rack up the fees.  I continued to be a tad bothered at how haphazard things were given the fact that it was my life people were messing with.  But, the money would get there eventually and all would be good – afterall, my dad was playing superhero again.  Yes, I’m a daddy’s girl – and, for good reason.

We rolled into Austin on the 31st.  I pulled the truck up outside of Debbie’s and we piled out (minus some of my fish that got par boiled along the way – a story for another time) and visited for a while.  I called up a friend of mine who had said he wanted to get dinner while I was in town and we made plans to meet up at the Outback off of Research Blvd. the following night.  We settled in, cooled off, and face planted into bed.

The following morning, I dug out my laptop and checked my email.  Needing to see how my honey was doing and let him know how the trip was going, I was anxious to get online.  The day was intended to be a fairly lazy day.  Dad was going to go up and visit his friend, Norman, and Debbie and I were just going to hang out and have a ‘girls’ day’.  The following day, we intended to load the truck up in the morning and continue to head on our merry way to Columbus, GA.

It’s a good thing that intentions are not something that are immutable. Life, I have found, loves to throw curveballs.  Plan and get your ducks in a row – and always, always, be ready to throw it all out the window when Life comes knocking.  Gotta know how to roll with it – ride the waves…Life’s good at keeping you on your toes and very aware that you are not the one in charge.

So – back to checking my email.  There was a message from Mike waiting for me.  It made my day to be able to talk to him for a while.  Then, going through my ridiculous amount of trash email, I notice a name from my past.  Stephanie had contacted me.  I figured it’d be a “hey! I heard you were passing through Austin.  Hope all goes well with the new job” kind of thing.  I was seriously mistaken.

Yes, she had heard I had left Q.  She had heard that I was moving to Georgia.  She did wish me well if I chose to continue to work for that company.  However, she had positions open here in Austin – and, wouldn’t I rather live here?  I stared at the screen for a couple of moments.  Let out a stunned breath and then whooped loud enough that five, little dogs jumped and Dad and Debbie asked what in the world was going on.  I couldn’t respond fast enough.  I told Stephanie I was in town for the day and she had 24 hours to give me the details. After some back and forth it was determined that if I stayed here I’d make significantly more than in Georgia.  The position would be one I’d just be stupid not to take.  The only catch – I had to go through the formalities before I’d get my official offer letter.  So – I could continue on to the ‘guarantee’ in Columbus – or, I could take a leap of faith, put my trust in someone who I’ve worked with and built a solid working relationship, and stay in Austin for the job here.

Well, maybe I’m a little insane.  Maybe my ability to trust hasn’t been as damaged by my past as I thought.  I took the leap of faith.  I was no longer heading to Columbus. Instead, I had come home.  Instead of loading the truck the next day, we planned to unload it into the storage unit.  Debbie graciously extended the offer of a place to stay with her while I looked for a home, and the wheels started rolling in a completely unexpected and different direction.  I’ve never seen someone look so pole axed as when I told Frank that night at dinner.

It made me giggle.  We had so much fun hanging out and talking.  Dad regaled us with stories as he is wont to do.  Debbie was a great sport about her plans and schedule being totally trashed.  And, it was just a great time all around.  It felt like a huge celebration – even with only the four of us there.

Dad had gone on up to see his friend; but, Debbie and I had spent the day looking at houses to rent/buy and discussing how we would handle things until I got my first paycheck/was able to move out.  How many people can say they have a friend that will upend their lives for them on the spur of the moment like that?  And, on a leap of faith?  I am truly beyond blessed in my life.

Life never quite goes like we intend it to go.  Plans never quite follow through exactly as expected.  It’s a great dance, this thing we call life.  And, so long as you learn how to be a good dance partner – and, realize that Life is always the one in the lead – you’ll never have more fun than when you let go, let loose and learn to follow.

Life is the dance
Love is the song
Laughter is the melody

I hope you dance.

So, some of you knew Mike (my husband) was being talked to by the New Yorker. The article, “Invisible Army” by Sarah Stillman, came out this month. It had been edited down significantly and Mike only got a passing mention. She felt that his part of the story needed some further attention and so got her editors to approve a full piece on him in her New Yorker blog. She still wasn’t given enough space to cover the whole thing and has strongly encouraged Mike to write a book about his time in Iraq.

Considering many who have met him and heard the tales have requested the same thing, I was very happy to see him take the suggestion of a professional writer to heart. Here’s hoping he gets the book completed. I believe it will be a compelling read. As you can see in the article, there is much to be told. I’m so glad these things are being forced into the light of day and that my husband was one of the few that, despite the risks to themselves, stood up for those who desperately needed it.

The article in the New Yorker paper magazine/online copy: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/06/06/110606fa_fact_stillman
The New Yorker blog post: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2011/06/stillman-whistleblower.html

Choosing when to speak, choosing where to speak and choosing how to speak are three inherent requirements to taking advantage of your right to speak. Just because you can speak does not make it right to speak out at any time and any place. Consider, if you will, the following scenario.

It’s a beautiful morning. The sun is shining bright and there is nary a cloud to be seen. The birds are singing and your heart is heavy. Today is the day that your only child is to be buried. She was a brilliant young woman in the prime of her life. She went to work every day and was in the church every moment that the doors were open. She was highly active in her neighborhood and all the people at the local shelter knew and loved her and her open, loving heart. Her work was making great advances in genetically modifying grains and other foods to grow in harsh climates and could ultimately bring about relief to starving nations. She was killed on her way home in a freak accident and now she is gone. Just, gone. You wonder how you will make it through the day without falling apart. Your heart hurts and you have learned there truly is a difference between crying and wailing. Slowly, you make it to the cemetery, following that great black beast that holds your child in its belly. As you round the corner that takes you to the road that enters the cemetery there are people lining the street. Signs waving and people chanting and shouting. Signs speaking with unbearable hate against your loving daughter. Signs saying how wonderful it is that she is dead. Signs and people shouting out how despised your beloved daughter is for daring to try to make one of God’s creations different from how He planned it. How your daughter is in hell and reviled by God. And, your beautiful, loving, wonderful child is ripped from you – torn from you – a second time. Even this, your moment to let go, your moment to mourn, is stripped from you – because of hatred and people so wrapped up in their own rights that they cannot see that this is not the time and most certainly not the place.

I have spoken about the fact that there is a time and a place for preaching and for keeping quiet. I fully support the rights of people to speak out about what they believe. That is an inherent right of every person. However, along with ‘your’ right to speak out – joined to the hip and just as important, if not more important – is choosing the time and the place and the how. The Bible is very clear on the fact that timing is important, so much so that even an entire chapter is used to talk about everything being in its season.

Ecclesiates 3:1,4 and 7
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

Beyond that, it is not our place to judge the place a person’s soul will go. We are not God. We are not Jesus. As Christians, knowing what is and is not the will of God is brought about by studying the word of God. Nowhere – absolutely nowhere – does the Bible say, “Go ye forth and judge”.

Jesus himself ate with the tax collectors and sinners.

Matthew 9:10 & 11
11 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”
12 On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’a For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

He called people on their own sins, rather than allowing them to rain down condemnation on the sin of another.

John 8:4,5 & 7
4 they say unto him, Teacher, this woman hath been taken in adultery, in the very act.
5 Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such: what then sayest thou of her?
7 But when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

More than once he made it clear that we must look to our own sins and our own wrongs.

Matthew 7:1-6
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured unto you.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me cast out the mote out of thine eye; and lo, the beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast your pearls before the swine, lest haply they trample them under their feet, and turn and rend you.

God has never had a problem handling those he has issues with on his own.

Genesis 6:11-13
11 And the earth was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence.
12 And God saw the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted their way upon the earth.
13 And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.

Genesis 19:12 & 13
12 And the men said unto Lot, Hast thou here any besides? son-in-law, and thy sons, and thy daughters, and whomsoever thou hast in the city, bring them out of the place:
13 for we will destroy this place, because the cry of them is waxed great before Jehovah: and Jehovah hath sent us to destroy it.

And, even when Christ himself was spreading the news of the will and word of God – nowhere does he rip the dead from the hands of their beloved. Unless it is to hand them back alive. Instead, any time he comes across a funeral he meets them with love, compassion and respect.

Luke 7:12-13
12 Now when he drew near to the gate of the city, behold, there was carried out one that was dead, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow: and much people of the city was with her.
13 And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not.

Note that he does not ask the mother about her son. He does not question the people about the life her son led. He does not require anything, simply with love and compassion tells her to weep not. Love and compassion – two very powerful tools in the Christian’s arsenal.

Luke 8:51-56
51 And when he came to the house, he suffered not any man to enter in with him, save Peter, and John, and James, and the father of the maiden and her mother.
52 And all were weeping, and bewailing her: but he said, Weep not; for she is not dead, but sleepeth.
53 And they laughed him to scorn, knowing that she was dead.
54 But he, taking her by the hand, called, saying, Maiden, arise.
55 And her spirit returned, and she rose up immediately: and he commanded that something be given her to eat.
56 And her parents were amazed: but he charged them to tell no man what had been done.

I’m sure there is no reason to bring in the quote on Lazarus, most who are even not Christians know that name. So..every funeral that Christ attended – He attended with love and compassion. How easy it would have been to find the funeral of a sinner and condemn and revile him. Yet, not once in the Bible does such a story take place.

The art of being a Christian is – for those who are true Christians and not just hypocrites and modern day Pharisees and Sadducees – is to be Christ-like. To do all in your power to live a life in line with the will of God and follow the example of the only begotten son. The one whose spirit is supposed to imbue and light our path so that we can be fully invested as the beloved, adopted child of God.

Where, then, I ask is any of this evident in the behavior of the congregation of Westboro Baptist Church?

Truly, I have never been more ashamed to have something associated with the name of Christ. This behavior – it brings so much shame on the House of the Lord. I fear that the response they would be greeted much as the moneychangers were greeted.

Matthew 21:12 & 13
12 And Jesus entered into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of he money-changers, and the seats of them that sold the doves;
13 and he saith unto them, It is written, My house shall be called a house of prayer: but ye make it a den of robbers.

Shame on each and everyone who not only participated, but supports such actions as those taken by the Westboro Church. Their signs are metaphorical stones. Each sign, each word of hate a stone on the hearts and souls of the family mourning their dead. So, not only are they stoning – but, they are not even taking care enough to stone the one who was “caught in the act” (see the John 8 quote above). Instead, they would stone the family and loved ones of the person who committed the act. So I say to them, and to each and every one of you who feels this behavior justified…and this timing justified…Look you to your own life.

Who of you has not sinned? Who of you stands pure of stain before the Lord? Who of you can say with truth this day that you are blameless? Think it is you? Let us examine that, shall we? I believe a singular verse pretty much covers that:

1 John 1:8
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

Spread the word and honour the Lord. But – do it in a way that does honour the Lord. Do it in a way that does not bring such shame upon his House. This…I believe with all my heart that if Jesus were to step onto the earth today and see such behavior, he would weep. Shame upon each of you, for you shame the house that you should be honouring.