Schrodinger's Kittie

You know, for quite some time I was really absorbed in WoW and DAoC and WAR and other such games.  Then I decided I needed to emmerse myself more in real life and less in fantasy.  My asocial tendancies were getting the best of me and I was isolating myself more and more.  Less and less time was spent visiting with people in real life and more and more time was spent with virtual friends – real and lasting though several of them have been.

However, I enjoy games and I enjoy strategy and other such things.  I worked to find something I could play and yet live a real life.  Something I could enjoy and yet still be fully a part of the real world.

In my search, I found this silly, little game called Ikariam.  It’s kind of like Civilization meets the Sims.  It’s a game that does not require focussed attention; yet, it seems to draw you in more and more.  I introduced Sky to it a few months ago – and she’s accused me of addicting her.  The fact that she wakes up in the morning and immediately checks her towns and minions has me laughing – mostly because I’m in the same boat as she is.  Somehow, a game that really requires minimal interaction manages to grab hold and suck you in.  It’s great fun for such an amazingly simple and silly little game…and I’m thrilled to have Sky and my dad playing it with me.

Am I supposed to get my full calories? Seriously, I hear people talk about how difficult it is to eat so few calories…yet, I get nagged all the time for eating too few. And, I eat constantly. Don’t believe me? Check this out. This is everything I ate today (or will eat, since I haven’t gotten home to make my dinner, yet). I am still in the process of working through “snack #2″. Click on the table to see it full size.

Now, seriously, that’s quite a bit of food.  Though dinner isn’t exactly extravegant, it’s about what I’d eat.  I might have gone for a few more beans/picante – but, the sodium in those items is ridiculous.  What I may wind up doing is grabbing a chicken breast and tossing it in the rotiserrie (sans seasoning) to get my calories up and not slaughter myself on sodium intake.  I kid you not, peeps…eating healthy, avoiding excess sodium, cholesterol and saturated fats – makes finding enough calories in what I eat difficult!  Not because I eat empty calorie foods – but, because what I do eat fills me up, is low in calories and good for you to boot.

I just feel like I’m constantly stuffing my face – and, yet, look at that.  I’m 225 calories shy of my goal.  I want to lose weight, but still eat enough calories to keep my metabolism alive and kicking. All the while making sure to keep it between the navigational beacons on sodium, cholesterol and saturated fats.  It’s a really hard balancing act.

Thank the good Lord for Kate – my OA sponsor. Honestly don’t know what I’d do without her cheering me on.  BTW, no I’m not in OA and no Kate’s not a real sponsor.  It just feels like it sometimes given how she coaches and encourages me to eat more and to eat healthy.  Cheering me on when I do well, and slapping my hand when I do poorly.

So…I decided I needed some pep.  Some spice.  Some colour and spark to help cheer me up.  To that end, Brat, your socks are still on hold.  I will do something on them before the end of the month.  Promise!! Hah – but even one stitch counts as something, doesn’t it? Neener neener.

Anyway, I needed a pick me up.  The STR colourway I’d been using for a set of RPM socks got frogged.  I just couldn’t make myself enjoy the knitting of the pattern.  And, if I’m not enjoying it, why am I doing it?  Seriously, it’s a hobby, not a job…so, yeah.  Out came the work I’d done on the RPM pattern.  Then I dug around the house and found a pattern I liked in one of my very few sock pattern books (Folk Socks by Nancy Bush).  I chose the Mamluke pattern and am doing it, unlike her natural and blue afair, in black and Firebird.  Mmmmmm tasty.  I love how it’s turning out and it’s just the spark I need to cheer me up.  It’s obvious I love how it’s turning out, or I’d have stopped quite a while back.  I despise the black yarn (Wildfoote).  It splits and…it’s just not my yarn of choice.  But, I had it in my stash from an aborted sock request from a couple of years ago and so it got chosen as the background colour of choice.  None of the other colours would have done the Firebird justice.

As for what’s got me down?  Well – people are rarely what they portray themselves to be.  It’s rare that you find one who truly seems to be 100% genuine.  And, when – after a while – the facade shatters and the real person is let come forth into the true light of day.  Well.  Rarely is it something that one would wish to actually look at too closely.  So, I’m doing some house cleaning, so to speak.

I try very hard to be who I am.  I don’t lie to people – even when it hurts or alienates them.  I try very hard to be forthright and honest and up front.  I actually lost one person I adore because of being honest.  I could probably have strung them along while I tested an opportunity that had presented itself.  Instead, I was honest and forthright – and, I will probably never hear from them again.  While I will miss them, I can still feel good about myself because I honoured my standards and stayed honest and upfront.  I’m sure there are parts of myself I’d rather not have bandied about under a mega-watt bulb.  But, I do my best to be comfortable with all I say and do, so that I am never ashamed of myself.  I have enough baggage from before I learned to be so forthright.  I certainly don’t need to add more to it!

So, cleaning house and getting rid of leeches and slugs and other such things that find themselves hiding in the dark.  It will be a trying and nerve wracking time.  But, I think, at the end of it all – when it’s all said and done – that I will be better for having done it.  But…in the mean time…to see me through…I have colour!  Bright, popping, zapping, in your face colour…and it is good.