Schrodinger's Kittie

So…I play World of Warcraft. I’m in a guild that raids four days a week and I do my level best to give my all and to be there for every raid. The other day they asked me to choose one character as my main. So, after some pouting and griping at a friend of mine (who, it seems decided that I’m too much trouble to be worth talking to anymore) I made a choice that I felt would benefit the guild as a whole, even though my preference leans toward a different character.

Then…wouldn’t you know it…I get an update notification for my BIOS, today. Since I’ve been having issues with my machine just deciding to randomly lock up, I figured I’d flash the BIOS….

Yeah.

My machine is now bricked.  Which means I can’t make tonight’s raid (I’m on my laptop – the machine that’s bricked is my gaming machine.  My laptop can’t handle it). This following Thursday where the cable company decided to terminate my account for no reason I can comprehend (they had it back up within 24 hours).

How much do you want to bet that not a single person in the guild believes that my machine is actually out of commission?

I can pretty much guarantee every one of them is assuming it’s me throwing a snit. Though, I suppose I could turn on my video camera and actually record the lovely trap error that kicks out when it manages to actually get past post.

But…why should I have to? Seriously?

And, the one person that really earned my loyalty and my affection in the guild…I mean, I like a lot of them – but the one who was the reason for me really wanting to be around – is no longer talking to me. So…I guess if they choose to disbelieve me. If they feel that I’m not worth the time or effort. If he keeps feeling I’m not worth talking to…well, maybe he’s right. And maybe I should just take myself away from his presence, since I seem to be nothing but an irritant to him, now. I mean, why force myself on someone who has zero desire to even want to talk to me.

What really gets me is that I listened to him when he went through a really bad time not too long ago. He was negative about everything. Instead of telling him to go away. Instead of telling him I had no desire to talk to him anymore, I tried to point out the positive side of things. I tried to keep talking to him and be there for him and understand why he was being so negative, since I figured he’d get past it, eventually.

But.

It seems that I was mistaken to try and explain why something bothered me. To try and show why I was hurt so that he could potentially understand. But – instead of him hearing me say what I was saying, he heard attacks on himself and others. Instead of hearing my sadness and hurt and my explanations for where I was – he tells me that he’s sick of me attacking him and he won’t talk to me anymore.

That hurts.

A lot.

A whole lot.

And, honestly, I don’t know that I can continue to be constantly around someone who so clearly doesn’t want me around anymore. I am not one to force my presence on someone – and it’s so clear that that is exactly what is going on, now.

I guess my computer bricking just might be a blessing in disguise. I have pretty much decided that if he still is not talking to me by the time I get it up and running – well…my path will be quite clear cut…won’t it?

Tags: WoW

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 11th, 2008 at 7:58 pm and is filed under Games. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.