Schrodinger's Kittie

Oh I am so ready to spit nails.

Last week TWC kills my account for no reason – and restores it in 24 hours.

Today I come home to find a notice on my door of termination of service from the gas service. Um.

A) no previous notice that they were even considering it – just BLAM done
B) I pay my bills in full every month

I have a bank statement upon bank statement that shows quite clearly that I’ve never missed a payment.

Yeah, I’m livid. No shower tonight unless I want it ice cold. No dinner tonight unless I cook it in the microwave. Bright side – at least I just have to deal with no dinner and no shower instead of dead of winter and no heat, no dinner and no shower.

Bet your tukus I’m going to be on the phone first thing in the morning getting restitution, though.

So…I play World of Warcraft. I’m in a guild that raids four days a week and I do my level best to give my all and to be there for every raid. The other day they asked me to choose one character as my main. So, after some pouting and griping at a friend of mine (who, it seems decided that I’m too much trouble to be worth talking to anymore) I made a choice that I felt would benefit the guild as a whole, even though my preference leans toward a different character.

Then…wouldn’t you know it…I get an update notification for my BIOS, today. Since I’ve been having issues with my machine just deciding to randomly lock up, I figured I’d flash the BIOS….

Yeah.

My machine is now bricked.  Which means I can’t make tonight’s raid (I’m on my laptop – the machine that’s bricked is my gaming machine.  My laptop can’t handle it). This following Thursday where the cable company decided to terminate my account for no reason I can comprehend (they had it back up within 24 hours).

How much do you want to bet that not a single person in the guild believes that my machine is actually out of commission?

I can pretty much guarantee every one of them is assuming it’s me throwing a snit. Though, I suppose I could turn on my video camera and actually record the lovely trap error that kicks out when it manages to actually get past post.

But…why should I have to? Seriously?

And, the one person that really earned my loyalty and my affection in the guild…I mean, I like a lot of them – but the one who was the reason for me really wanting to be around – is no longer talking to me. So…I guess if they choose to disbelieve me. If they feel that I’m not worth the time or effort. If he keeps feeling I’m not worth talking to…well, maybe he’s right. And maybe I should just take myself away from his presence, since I seem to be nothing but an irritant to him, now. I mean, why force myself on someone who has zero desire to even want to talk to me.

What really gets me is that I listened to him when he went through a really bad time not too long ago. He was negative about everything. Instead of telling him to go away. Instead of telling him I had no desire to talk to him anymore, I tried to point out the positive side of things. I tried to keep talking to him and be there for him and understand why he was being so negative, since I figured he’d get past it, eventually.

But.

It seems that I was mistaken to try and explain why something bothered me. To try and show why I was hurt so that he could potentially understand. But – instead of him hearing me say what I was saying, he heard attacks on himself and others. Instead of hearing my sadness and hurt and my explanations for where I was – he tells me that he’s sick of me attacking him and he won’t talk to me anymore.

That hurts.

A lot.

A whole lot.

And, honestly, I don’t know that I can continue to be constantly around someone who so clearly doesn’t want me around anymore. I am not one to force my presence on someone – and it’s so clear that that is exactly what is going on, now.

I guess my computer bricking just might be a blessing in disguise. I have pretty much decided that if he still is not talking to me by the time I get it up and running – well…my path will be quite clear cut…won’t it?

So, it appears my crushed knuckle is just bound and determined to not heal properly.

The fun part is that xrays don’t show the problem – though it’s visible to the naked eye.  So…my doctor is writing up a referral to a hand specialist and I get to start undergoing lots and lots of poking and prodding.  Yay, me.

About 13 years ago, a young gentleman figured it would be the ideal way to show how much he cared about me by taking a ball peen hammer to my pinky knuckle.  Irony of ironies – my knuckle did not shatter or truly break…It compressed.  It’s easier to call it crushed because people look at you all sorts of odd when you try to call it a “compressed” knuckle.  Anyway – it’s always been very fragile since the tendon no longer hand a trench to ride in…that sucker would pop off at the slightest provocation.  And I’d be in a cast for a couple of weeks.

Well, the other day I decided to change shirts in a hurry – and slammed the ever loving dickens out of said knuckle – right on the EDGE of a door.  I hit the ground, stomach started revolting, stars swam before my eyes…it hurt as bad as when Steve first took the hammer to it.  I whipped out my temporary cast that I keep on hand and slammed my hand into it.  A week later, the pain was still excruciating – and a new bit of something something was going on….I couldn’t form a fist. So, I went to the doctor.  Get this…an exact quote “Well, I can’t see anything wrong – though there obviously is an issue”…I wanted to ask for my money back. I mean, seriously.

Anyway – so that’s where I am.  I will most likely be going through a series of surgeries and have been warned that I could wind up in a cast for several months if I do decide to go this route.  It’s pretty much just waiting on the insurance to decide if they are going to cover it or not……….Specialists aren’t cheap.