Schrodinger's Kittie

My cousin died, today.

He was a year and a half older than me.

No, he wasn’t ill. No, we had no warning. He had a massive heart attack, and died. Just like that.

He’s gone.

The kid who tormented me, who played with me, who ran through the family barn laughing with me. The kid whose eyes sparkled with laughter and life…and who I could beat regularly in the face making contest (don’t ask – let’s just say it involved not yet ripe American gooseberries).

He’s my family, he’s my age, and he’s dead. Snuffed out in a moment. Laughing and full of life and then an empty husk that’s been left behind.

His parents must be devastated – I haven’t been able to get in touch with them. But to out live your child…it breaks my heart to even contemplate. And his wife and children…the pain they must be going through.

For the first time in my life, I want to go to a funeral. Not for Kenny – he’s gone on to where ever it is that he’s going. But for my family. For me.

I keep falling to tears at work in spurts. I have so many projects on my plate. I have my dogs that need to be taken care of. I can’t just up and leave. I wish I could. I ache to do it.

Goodbye, Kenny. You were my cousin, and I loved you. You are my cousin and I love you. Walk softly between the worlds…dance with the stars upon the holy ground…and know that you are loved.

Zikhrono livrakha

Edit: It looks like my boss is willing to work with me about time off…

I am leaving, now, to sit shiva. Maybe it’s supposedly only for those in your immediate family – but, for me, it’s what I need to do. He is my family.

I don’t care how you slice it.

There is no way in hell that a naked man could over power three – count them THREE – grown men. Not only that, but these men had pepper spray as well. I guarantee you – that spray on the privates or in the eyes – or both, for fuck’s sake – would have completely incapacitated the man.

This man had no deadly weapons on him of any sort other than his own body. Not even a place to conceal one, unless he planned to shit out a gun/knife. What call did these officers have to shoot?

This is not a case of excessive force…this is a case of homicide…pure and simple. These officers were not in fear of their life. At most, they were worried about black eyes, broken noses and ripped uniforms.

I should sure as hell hope they are on administrative leave and I hope to all that’s holy that they stand trial for murder. It sure as hell wasn’t manslaughter. The NAKED man was shot several times…that’s not unintentional act of homicide…that’s a freaking “let me kill this dude” act of homicide. And there is no way in hell they could even begin to justify emotional duress…this is part of their JOB…to be cool in emotionally hot situations.

And if we can’t trust our officers with their guns…Shooting in self defense or when absolutely necessary I can fully support. Slaughtering a NAKED MAN? They better get more than a stupid slap on the wrist

You know…I don’t get out a whole lot. I’m not really a social person. I don’t particularly care for the press of people. Being jostled and tossed about bothers me. I like quiet, intimate gatherings if I go anywhere. That kind of thing. And, yet, people talk to me.

Wherever I go…if I’m in public for any length of time…I wind up with people just rambling at me. I don’t get it. I mean, I find their stories fascinating and the fact that they will tell me the things they tell me – a total stranger – pretty interesting. However, I don’t understand it.

I’m not the most…outgoing person. I certainly would not identify myself as overly friendly or approachable. Most guys will not hit on me unless they are smashed out of their minds or insufferably egotistical.

So, imagine my surprise when over the course of the last few weeks, I’ve had to leave my abode for various reasons…one was to chase down the UPS driver who failed to deliver my package at the specified time. After threatening the wrath of G-d and other and sundry things, I got his itinerary and met him at the grocers down the road.

Since I knew I’d arrive a bit before he would, I decided to do some shopping while I waited. Now…I don’t often do it, but from time to time I allow myself to splurge on sweets. Not just any sweets…but Piroulines. A very thin wafer rolled around a cream center. This center can be fudge, chocolate, vanilla, hazelnut – any such thing. Quite tasty.

While I’m digging through the Pirouline tins at the market, this guy asks me about them and I try to explain what they are – really doesn’t do it justice until you try one. Then he walks away. Then I see him as I’m checking out – he’s right behind me. Interesting, but not unusual. He starts to chat with me and we spend the next 15 minutes beside my bike chit chatting. Nice fellow, Jim.

Then he does something that no guy does sober (or sans mega-ego) and complimented me. Told me how lovely my eyes were and then asked if I were taken. I nearly fell over in shock.

Simply put – guys don’t do that. And this was the second time in a week it had happened. Though, honestly, the other one was a bit more amusing…I had pulled into the petrol station to top up the tank and snag some drinks. This older gentleman pulls up on a very nice bike. I give him a nod as I walk in – can’t help it, that bike was SWEET. I make my purchases and leave. He’s out fiddling with his bike…and he straightens up and says, “Could you do me a favor?”

I kind of smiled and said, “What do you need?”

He grins at me – such a wicked and most lighthearted grin that I couldn’t help but respond – and he says, “Run away with me.”

I couldn’t help myself. I laughed. He grinned at me and I thanked him for making my day. He chuckled and waved as I drove off.

Random things like this…or like the lady who sat down beside me at the local coffee shop and just started nattering at me…I have absolutely no idea why. I was just sitting there – on my computer. Not even knitting or crocheting. And she sits down and just starts talking to me.

Or the British couple who wandered up and asked me directions…and then stood and talked to me for nearly 25 min before wandering off. I think I know more about them than I probably should, at this point…*chuckles*

Sky…seriously…I’m not radiating “come chatter at me” am I? I actually thought it was pretty much the opposite.

Ironically, I enjoy it (most of the time). I just don’t understand it.

Speaking of knitting, btw, yes, I still knit! *laughs* I’m currently working on a smoke-grey Flower Basket Shawl. I literally just started it, but I’ll pull it out tonight and try to get a photo to post for you.